Just like I chose the Red Pill yesterday I actually think I chose the Speeding Ticket I got today. Maybe it wasn’t a conscious thought but there were clues and there were warnings that somehow I missed.I swear on a stack of bibles I KNEW about this before it even happened. I actually imagined taking this photo minutes before I actually TOOK THE PHOTO.

Today started just like every other day, except this time I got a head start. Up at the crack of dawn to be first in line to get my iPhone, I tip toed into my office and carefully pulled out my keyboard. I open my pre-order invitation click click click.. a few glitches but I was able to get one. Done. Tell a few hundred people on facebook about it. Done. Scoop up sleeping daughter who’s now joined me at my feet, drag teenager out of bed … rush rush rush mommy’s got an appointment this morning people!

Pulling away from the gates I come to my first driving test the 3 way stop. As I approach the stop I notice ohhhh “the puppies” are out walking (shiny object) … oh how much I love the puppies. I don’t know the owner or the dogs but I see them every day, twice a day, two huskies dragging the owner up and down the hill. Anyway I give a big wave …. he doesn’t see me. My eyes look past the puppies to a looming dark silhouette of a car with lights on the top … ruh roh…. did I stop? Did I just roll that ala ‘California style’ stop. Oh Lord HE probably thought I was waving to HIM. Crap. Eyes locked to my rear view mirror I slowly pull away …ok whew… I must have stopped.

I think.

My mind INSTANTLY recalls a tweet or was it a facebook update I can’t remember.  Someone had the whereabouts to snap a photo from the backseat of her friend getting pulled over as they were driving to conference (I think). It was HILARIOUS! Certainly not to the driver but to the rest of world..pure entertainment. I laugh inside at how great that was to capture that moment and then for a fleeting moment I actually see myself getting pulled over thinking to myself well the worst case scenario it would make a great blog post so don’t forget photos!  Wouldn’t that be funny I thought.  Yea everyone would love that on facebook… I glance back in the mirror whew! good, no tickets today.

Preschool drop off, check. Approaching coffee stop, I slow down … stomach rumbles, I look at the clock its now 9 not enough time I press on the gas look up and what is that? A cop? Is that a gun? I look in my rear view mirror and he is locked in on ME.  Damn. I look down at my spedometer, 40-something? really? I flip the signal and cautiously optimistic I limp onto the freeway. I come to a stop look in my mirror and I see the cop weaving in and out headed toward me, my heart got all skippity. Here he comes I thought to myslef. I’m dead. I aaaaaam dead. Lights go on.

Yep. Dead.

Wait. How is this even happening? Didn’t I just imagine this? (twilight zone music .. not the vampires you youngens)

The officer tells me that he “lasered” me going 49 in a 35. What kind of BS is that I ask you. If I’m going down at least clock me at 100 with my hair on fire or something! I smiled as I handed him everything, that’s what traffic school taught me to do and as soon as he was out of sight click, click, click.  I couldn’t believe this was all happening! I tried to upload it to facebook but my hand were shaking because I thought I was going to get in trouble for that too. In less than 3 minutes he was back I had my ‘yellow’ copy and we were almost done but he said he had a bit of bad news, apparently the wind had taken my registration and sailed it over the wall and under the freeway. Cheese and Rice! Evidentially the officer was having a little bit of an off day he shared.  He told me not to worry that he was going to drive around and go find it and then GET THIS… deliver it to my house because after all he had my address now in his ticket book. I was a little shocked. I told him that he was a good man and that I hoped the rest of the day got better to which he replied  ”that’s supposed to be my line!”

So I made it to my appt. no coffee and still late and I sat there wondering why I hadn’t considered my little daydream as premonition. I just dismissed the entire thing as one big self entertaining moment. Maybe that’s all it was. Maybe I was just manifesting my thoughts, nah …  I certainly didn’t slap a parking ticket on my vision board. I have to wonder what the message was other than to slow down, literally. Wow this was going to be a really expensive day. iPhone, Hair did, Speeding ticket. Ouch.

The officer actually came back later when I was home and we stood there and what felt like “visiting” for the longest time. I got the chance to play 20 questions with him and he was kind enough to indulge me. Your tax dollars hard at work.  Wouldn’t you have done the same? Like asking if I was a 11-99 member (Google it) would it have made a difference? The answer is NO. He laughed at that actually. I asked him if he thought going 80 lets say on the way to the desert was playing it “safe” the answer was NO… 77 is pushing it. I asked him if he’s ever received a ticket, Affirmative and yes he has been to traffic school (snicker). My son at that point showed up at the door with his laptop and shared with the officer the photo I uploaded to facebook (oh yes he did). To which I emphasized I took when the car was not in motion and uploaded when I was safely parked. Psssst .. taking a photo while you are driving isn’t considered illegal (Steve), neither is uploading it to facebook (again Steve). ITS NOT SAFE and you are going to catch some flack but its legal. I’m not going to say anything else because well you know free legal advice is not my gig and besides Oprah would be furious to learn that I was telling people its ok to even touch your cell phone while you are driving. Sorry O.

In the end I thanked him for being so kind and I felt like I should have given him something for his trouble. I know that sounds crazy, me wanting to give the guy who just gave me a speeding a gift but I really wanted to that’s just me.  I understand there are rules that say they can’t accept gifts with a monetary value, believe me I tried when I was 16, I assured the cop that the KROQ Tower record calendars were in fact FREE, he got his poster and I got a warning, not a bad trade.

I know this ticket is going to lead to something I just don’t know what it is or maybe I do and I just haven’t pictured it yet. Either way I’m going to embrace it and hope I meet some really cool people in traffic school.