Then and Now

Can I just say how weird it feels  to blog? I miss it. Almost as much as I miss my cat. I’ve come to realize that in a sea of domestic duties, checkbook balancing and other parental responsibility that this little corner of the interwebz was more than a little side gig, it was my creative reprieve. When I don’t blog or journal my feelings begin to ball up and there’s blockage. Kinda like my intestines feel after I eat my weight in Cheez its, I’m bound, bloated and just miserable.

I’ve come to accept that my life has changed and with that change comes the need to flex and adapt to said changes. The one this that I absolutely LOVE about blogging is the documentation aspect. I have over 5 years now (granted there are some big gaps) but I have those years, mainly photos that show me what it was like to be a mom, to be the new kid on the block of blogs, to go through tremendous heartache, to return to the workforce, all of it.  Even when I don’t blog I am here, tweaking and fixing and editing and reading. I enjoy my own blog and even forgive myself for my short comings,  my overuse of commas and the word like…. along with my first world problems like finding jeans that are long enough.

Some of my favorite posts still stand the test of time (in my mind at least).

• What’s In Your Wallet the story I wrote a month into this blog about how my BFF saved my bacon when I locked myself out of my car.
• Dear 15 Year Old  the post I wrote for my newly turned 15 year old son Super B. I recently wrote him another on his 18th birthday, I will post soon.
• Paint a Wall Camouflage that weekend I pulled off a surprise room makeover while my son was away at summer camp. Still pinned today, five years later!
• and of course Processing and Praying the day my niece’s life was almost extinguished, what it was like staring death in the face.

What is the Same?

I’m always taken aback when I reread my Week In The Life from 2011, the week long photo documenting project from Ali Edwards, I am always struck by the similarities in seasons, year after year I seem to be doing the same things, taking the same photos enjoying what the seasons offer. If I look back I see …

I still take photos of my morning coffee ritual

My son still refuses to open his mouth when he smiles

I still (and forever will) take photos of my egg breakfast

Succulents will appear in every monthly photo folder I save

I will take photos of me taking photos for Instagram (I’m #meta like that)

I will never tire of photographing the big wheel

or palm trees for that matter.

I still capture the eyes because they seem change the slowest

and cry when I realize they are not babies anymore, not even close.

I will continue to beg my family to pull over at the SAME “Kodak moment” road trip after road trip.

I will seek like minded peeps and push myself out my comfort zone

I will try a self portrait every now and then and think nothing of burning through a pack of film

I will never cease to look up

or down

and out the window

Year and year I will take the half selfie to see if its time for fillers, what happens after 45 !?!? Argh.

I will be reminded how much has changed for my sister, for her family and how far they have yet to go.

I will document the return of the Monarchs

and I will swallow hard when I come across photos of her.

Its all there, on repeat, an infinite loop each of things in its own orbit on its own timeline and return schedule. Accepting the fact that there isn’t a place I need to strive to be at all times has been so freeing. Learning to live with life’s cycles is one of the best ways to FUNDAMENTALLY change your life (for the better!)

What’s Changed

• I don’t stay up until 3 am working on the blog, my adrenals are stressed out enough.
• I started a home renovation project that required not only for rooms to be emptied but every thing that came out of those room had to find a forever home (GAME CHANGER), now I walk around free of the elephant in the room.
• I limit my screen time and read ONLY paper books and magazines at night.
• I subscribe to a local CSA produce service to make sure my body is getting enough nutrients.
• I shoot primarily film now which helps me reduce digital clutter and saves me millions of hours at my desk.
• I drink water. As banal as that sounds it effects everything you do, trust me. Try it.
• I move my body, often. Nothing strenuous just enough to keep this body in motion.

What’s Next

In the next month I will be packing up Super B as we get ready to help move him into his dorm in Arizona. About the same time I will be doing Ali’s Week In The Life, I’ve already bought the album, I’m fully committed. And although Super is only a state away and surely will be home first opportunity he can, I’m trying to prepare my heart for what’s on the horizon. That and find a new sitter for Super A. Oh boy. Life is changing for all of us.

To those who have stuck around since day one, thank you. You don’t realize how much it helps knowing that you are out there still reading, finding pity on my sporadic blog.  If I could I’d buy you all a bouquet of peonies and a honey vanilla latte.