The last week of summer is upon us and I am straddling two worlds. One without alarms, direction or to-do lists. The other filled with stacks of paperwork, unopened emails and projects that became covered in dust. I begrudgingly begin the transition this week back into a more structured life although my heart wants to stay here in the soft sand and play.
Structured life is something I resist at my core. With my head always in the clouds I am a dreamer that prefers not to be tethered.
I am a fixed air sign (Aquarius) who thinks very deeply about life but struggles with idea of change. Only when I am pushed to the crumbling edge of the cliff will I consider a different way out.
image credit: Debra Cowie
To get to this place is to know pain. To surrender to it. To go deep within and spend time with it. To ask for all of it knowing the truth will set you free. To shine the light on the darkest corners and do some internal housekeeping.
When a certain truth revealed itself to me I clung to the idea that knowing the why would unlock the answer. I projected my fears on others and held them responsible for my happiness. Their shortcomings a reflection of my own.
Dear 14 year old self
I have been on a very personal journey inward without a place to call home. I have wanted to somehow incorporate my travels into my blog but feared that I would not be accepted. Those feelings begin to percolate up through my throat to the tip of my nose.
I ask myself, How old are you?
I am 14.
My nose begins to tickle, the tickle makes my eyes water.
And how do you feel?
Confused.
About what?
Why people are unkind. I don’t fit in and I don’t feel accepted. I don’t know how to tell people I am uncomfortable. I feel invisible.
Tell me more.
People reject my ideas. They label me. They don’t even know me. I retreat even deeper. I walk among strangers and it’s lonely. I’d rather spend time alone in my room to shut the world out. No one understands me. No one cares.
I understand and I hear you. I am here and I want you to know that I love you and you are SEEN. The world misses you and I’m here to bring you back into it. You are loved and you are safe. You are a gift and many will come to see that much later in life for you my friend are a bright light that has the capability to illuminate the world.
Did you know that?
Those are the places I go to work and heal myself because I have been shown that all my disappointments, my worries, my anger and my fears lie deep within me. If I can work on excavating those stored experiences, examining them for what they are and apply the same truth that we are made from Love (love = creation.) That love never judges it only accepts and wraps its arms around you, filling every nook and cranny with light. That’s a start.
Move over
For the past 30 years I have been a witness to my own life instead of the driving force behind it and I’m ready to step up in a more active role. These last four months have been some of the hardest yet if I scratched deep enough, under the surface I found that these things were there to help me expand into a better awareness.
I’m ready to push up my sleeves and get to work. Shall we begin?
I believe what I once learned from a fellow warrior who stated, “Incarnating onto Earth takes great courage !”
This holds true to each soul and because you already know love , and are deeply aware of this essential rennet, you will succeed.
The secret to finding THAT which will ultimately grant us deeper realization is truly based in the love of God.
We are not alone; the Great Ones watch over us; guide us; help us in times of soul pain; but ultimately it is OUR CHOICE to heed the wise words of those who have traveled this path .
Choose to never let the world dictate how you must feel or act or be!
Trust in the love of Divine Mother, or Heavenly Father and seek Master’s teachings.
Yes I believe we (in spirit) most likely stepped right up and said, ‘I’ll go!’ because we had something to learn, re-learn or maybe we simply just wanted to help progress our evolution. I believe our Creators love is in all things even this keyboard I pound away on because matter is just energy compressed, materialized into form as we are. I am awake to the knowledge that support is all around us always available, all you need to do is ask. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and pearls of wisdom with us. XOXO <3
You beautiful soul. I believe in you, and your power to move your life into a more deeply authentic and integrated place. I am sure this process won’t be without it’s pain and challenges, but I know you are coming into goodness. You have so much to give. Love you.
I am only as strong as the people I surround myself with. Somehow by the grace of God, Creator, Mother whatever you name it, I have been blessed with some very soulful people who are helping to reignite that light within. Thank you for seeing me. 🙂 xoxo
I look at that picture and see my friend. My fellow preppy junior high school friend who has been so comforting and understanding to me this past week. Something about having a connection like that on an adult level with someone you’ve known since you were an insecure unpopular teenager it is very special and beautiful. I didn’t know you were searching and working these past few months and I am here to support you and/or share ideas and feelings. I have been searching for years now and taking steps to find joy and listen to where I am supposed to be, etc. I love you, friend. And look forward to more exchanges of ideas and feelings and understanding ❤️
The feeling is so mutual, I often think to myself, how lucky I am to have remained close with two of my closest friends from the way way back. I will always be there for you, I love all the shifting going on in the world I’m glad I’ve got company during this time of expansion and great change. Love u friend.